The Luddite

Profile: Far too banal to be amusing, The Luddite will grate on the sanity of even the most stoic camgirl. He is intent upon viewing your site and all you have to offer, but hasn't the slightest clue how. Instructions like "double click" or "log in" baffle The Luddite, causing you to wonder how he managed to load your site in the first place.
How to spot him: Watch out for the call of The Luddite: "Can I see your cam?". If you have a pay site, look for anyone who seems puzzled as to why he can't log in when he hasn't registered.
How he sucks you in: The Luddite often seems polite and genuinely interested. He poses an inquiry that seems so simple, you assume it must be a careless oversight. But, a simple question quickly becomes a draining rapid fire of mind-numbing questions.
What a conversation with him is like: Expect a lengthy tech support session. The first five minutes will likely be spent with him asking where your cam is, you pointing it out, and him repeatedly insisting that he can't see it. After extensive probing, you will figure out that he is looking for a streaming cam, after which you will unsuccessfully try to explain the difference between a webcam and a streaming cam.
Best way to deal: Write and maintain a clear and very specfic FAQ. Direct him toward it, polietly explain that you're much too busy to chat, and stop talking to him. Immediately.
Annoyance factor: 8. Unlike genuine assholes, once you start talking to The Luddite, it becomes difficult to leave the conversation.

The White Knight

Profile: Not to be confused with a genuinely interested, caring guy, The White Knight hungrily scours blogs looking for a damsel in distress. He views a tiff with a boyfriend as an abusive relationship, a new diet as warped self-image, and frustration as low self-esteem. He bubbles with an outpouring of "wisdom", explaining in a disgruntled torrent of advice how he will SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELF!!! This is a guy who knows everything there is to know about interpersonal relationships, yet can't get a date. He claims it's because girls only want jerks.
How to spot him: Keep an eye out for pointed questions. The White Knight will express frustration with your naivete, poor decision making ability, and blatant self-loathing, while simultaneously praising how smart, beautiful, and witty you are -- though you don't realize it. Expect lots of drug store psychology and blatant misunderstanding of concepts like "regression". Oh, and his advice regarding any lovers quarrel is to DUMP THAT LOSER, YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!
What a conversation with him is like: He'll constantly use his cursory understanding of psychology to explain the deep-rooted motivations behind your "self-destructive behavior".
Best way to deal: The most sure-fire way is to never post any negative musings about your boyfriend, your body, or yourself. If that is not an option, ignore ignore ignore. Don't try to "explain" anything to him -- you'll only make it worse. I promise.
Annoyance factor: 9.5. The White Knight makes unabashed self-expression very difficult.

The Suave Schlemiel

Profile: The Suave Schlemiel's typing leads you to believe that he has fingers the size of Polish sausages. Reading his abhorrent spelling and grammar brings to mind a swollen-tongued man foaming at the mouth, frantically conveying pickup lines in mealy, garbled tones. If you can read his munged messages without your eyeballs bleeding, you'll see that he is attempting to persuade you to show your wide-open beaver on cam, just for him.
How to spot him: The telltale signs include overuse of acronyms such as "o i c", strange abbreviations i.e. "cn u sho me ur bbs?", intentional mispelling of words like "baybee", and curious mispellings of two-letter words. Oh, and he wants to see your b00bs.
What a conversation with him is like: It'll make you feel like a first-grader is hitting on you. No, that's not a good thing. You perv :oP
Best way to deal: If you're REALLY bored, the Suave Schlemiel is usually dumb enough that you can get some cheap amusement out of him. Otherwise, block him from your buddy list.
Annoyance factor: 6 if you get a laugh out of this sort of thing, 8 if you don't.

The Couch Commando

Profile: The Couch Commando believes that all camgirls come with a personal remote control. Expect frequent requests for a fansign, photos of your naughty bits, or a video of you juggling flaming llamas.
How to spot him: Lots of self-important requests, and he doesn't take no for an answer!
What a conversation with him is like: He'll probably start with a bit of begging and pleading, either for a specific request or simply for you to get on cam. After repeatedly declining, he'll harriedly sign off with a mutter of "fuck u, u fat whore", or a similarly creative insult.
Best way to deal: Don't indulge him unless you're in a performing mood. You'll hate yourself in the morning ;)
Annoyance factor: 10. These are the life-suckers of the cam world, and a major contributor toward Camgirl Burnout (TM).

The Curious Critic

Profile: The Curious Critic hates camgirls with a bloody passion. To the Curious Critic, camgirls are flabby harlots, exposing their intimate body parts for a CD from Amazon.com. Likewise, cam watchers are pathetic geeks with whom camgirls feign friendship to extort gifts and money. And he will tell you this. Repeatedly. In your blog, on your forum, at Camwhores...everywhere. It kind of makes you wonder why he spends so much time on cam sites if he hates them so much. Hmmm?
How to spot him: The Curious Critic seems to come from out of nowhere. One day you'll post in your blog only to find a belligerent unsolicited reply. You'll be happy that you got a new job, and he'll respond with, "Good to see that the little whore found a REAL occupation". Don't take the bait!
What a conversation with him is like: If you DO decide to give him a cogent, well-reasoned defense, he'll respond with an illogical one-liner. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Best way to deal: Turn The White Knight loose on him and kill two birds with one stone ;)
Annoyance factor: 7.5 as they usually leave as quickly as they come, assuming you ignore them.

Even more cam losers on page two...