The Maude Lebowski

Profile: An unusual breed of cam loser, The Maude Lebowski is of the cunted gender and is either a nude model or non-nude camgirl. She maintains that her pictures merit high artistic value. Nude camgirls, however, are classless skanks whose lewd behavior objectifies not only themselves, but the whole of womynkind. Despite the fact that her image is on a portal or website that advertises "FRESH YOUNG TEENS TAKING IT ALL OFF!", The Maude Lebowski views herself as a sultry glamour girl. It's analogous to highly paid callgirls who feel superior for indulging the infantalism fantasies of venture capitalists instead of a neighborhood joe. Similarly, The Maude Lebowski feels that getting wishlist gifts for non-nude or high-res images is the difference between art and prostitution.
How to spot him her: Look for a gal who refers to herself as "burlesque" without being ironic or kitschy, or talks about prostitution like it's inherently a bad thing.
How she sucks you in: One minute you were browsing the web, the next you find yourself furiously typing a ten page essay on how criticizing a woman's choice is actually misaligned with post-feminist ideology!!!!
What a conversation with her is like: Any attempts to explain that you like what you do will be countered with histrionic rambling littered with a sickening overdose of adjectives. "How can a man respect you if you're uploading grainy, blurred thumbnail images of yourself on your sweaty moth-eaten basement couch showing your shaved prepubescent vulva and drinking barbaric water from an analog faucet with your primitive mouth in exchange for a menial degrading plastic trinket from your insipid wishlist!!!"
Best way to deal: Direct her to The Webwhore Manifesto. Trixie says it all better than you could :P Or repeatedly harrass her, begging for pictures of her hymen.
Annoyance factor: 11. If there's one thing I hate, it's women calling other women sluts and whores.

The Larry Flynt

Profile: The Larry Flynt doesn't understand the difference between a cam site and a porn site. Sure, your blog, bio, writings, and artwork span the majority of the page. But the thumbnail of your cam in the corner leads him to believe that you are striving to be the next Bang Bus. Well, DUH.
How to spot him: Keep a lookout for anyone who sounds like a Howard Stern wannabe.
How he sucks you in: His callous oversight merits a whack on the head with a clue by four.
What a conversation with him is like: The Larry Flynt will snap orders at you for squirting, DP, and gang banging. When he tells you to take down your blog because he doesn't care about your thoughts and demands more hardcore girl-girl action, he truly thinks that he is giving you constructive criticism. Because you're trying to make the greatest porn site ever, right?
Best way to deal: Install a bot on your instant messenger client that replies with "it's not a porn site" every time he IMs you.
Annoyance factor: 7. They usually leave quickly in search of bukakke.

The Freeloader

Profile: The Freeloader refuses to pay for porn and chastises anyone who does as "pathetic". Hence, you'd think that he'd get his jollies through Kazaa or one of the 9273750275932478382^10 free TGP sites. But no -- for some reason he is intent upon seeing you naked. Additionally, he is insulted that you would be so ostentatious as to suggest that he pay for a membership. How dare you try to fund your college tuition!
How to spot him: Often, he'll bypass you completely and post in your site's forum, asking members to trade or send videos. If your cam is members only on Camwhores, he'll jump on the forum there and ask members to post your pics. A warning from the forum moderator doesn't faze him in the least; they're only carrying on because they don't UNDERSTAND that he doesn't PAY for porn! If he decides to contact you directly, either he'll take the "show your tits, bitch" approach, or insist that he needs a sample to decide if your pay site is worth his money. And, uh, the samples in the tour don't cut it. Mmmmyeah.
What a conversation with him is like: He may be indignant, insisting, "Look, I don't pay for porn, so just pony up with the videos, okay?". He may plead, begging you because the CURIOSITY IS KILLING HIM!! In any case, when you respond by telling him to get his credit card out, the notion of paying just doesn't make sense to him. It is as though you answered his demands for free media with, "Yes! I like kiwis, too! Thanks for asking!".
Best way to deal: Respond to his demands for free media with, "Yes! I like kiwis, too! Thanks for asking!". That, or give him a link to xnxx.com. Sweetly explain that you understand he doesn't pay for porn, but likewise you don't give porn for free, so he's at the wrong site. Act like it was a silly accident on his part, and then ignore.
Annoyance factor: 9. Sounds like someone's got the gimmee gimmees! Idn't dat right, widdle fweeloader??

The Socialist

Profile: Remember that punk rawk kid in high school? The one who refused to get a job because that meant buying into capitalist corruption, but was happy to accept a new Jeep from his corporate lawyer mom? Perhaps he's on food stamps now, accepting money from taxpayers. Anyway, that's The Socialist, and to him, being a camgirl "just for the money" is for YUPPIE SCUM! Yeah!
How to spot him: If you have a pay site or a link to your wishlist, The Socialist will drone on about how laaame it is that camming has become such a greed-driven industry, man. Perhaps he has back-in-the-day syndrome, from when camming was pure and no one thought to capitalize on human sexuality. In any case, his idealism dictates that camgirls should be wanton sluts, dying to get naked for him without wanting anything in return. His hungry eyes on your body should be payment enough!
What a conversation with him is like: Expect the wisdom of the ages from this one. "You're gunna wake up one day, man, with all this STUFF, and you're gunna realize that it doesn't mean a thing. Someday, you're gunna regret having sold your body to the highest bidder, and wishing that you just did it because you loved it. Trust me man, I KNOW. You're probably gunna wake up as a trophy wife to a rich husband in a huge mansion and wish that you were living in a shack with someone you love". What are you again, 19? All this for a PayPal "donate" button? Regardless, he'll express that he has no interest in seeing anyone naked who wants MONEY for it. Imagine, an industry that sells sex! I know I'M aghast.
Best way to deal: Tell him curtly that you can make money from doing what you love. Then IGNORE.
Annoyance factor: 8.5 -- kind of a White Knight and Freeloader combo. Eep!